Confessions of a Serial Killer
by psychochick1
Summary: Only read after finishing Phoenix Rising. This is a companion piece, and an author's confession about her decisions. She makes no apologies.


Due to the number of questions I've been getting in reviews, I've decided to post this little companion piece to _Phoenix Rising _with some explanation. Forgive me if I ramble a bit. I'll answer reviews at the bottom of this.

Yes, it is done. Chapter 38, just like in OoTP, is the last chapter. No, I will not be doing a sequel to this (besides, there really is no way a sequel _can_ be written).

For those who complained that this story was not in canon – DUH!! My summary clearly states that this is an A/U (alternate universe), and it has been from the beginning. I had a story idea, and went to play with it in someone else's sandbox rather than build my own. That and I'm slightly obsessive.

It seems like not many people like the ending. No one ever saw it coming. Some have even called it a cop-out, or that it ruined the story by making everything seem meaningless.

But I have to ask, did you really expect a happy ending?

This whole story, despite brief periods of lightness, has been overwhelmingly dark. I could have made up a happy ending, but it would have been contrived and rather unsatisfying. I don't do Disney endings, where the hero rides off into the sunset with the damsel in distress happily in love with him. Real life doesn't work that way. One reviewer once mentioned how I don't sugarcoat things, and in real life not everything ends well.

Having Harry stillborn was a difficult decision to make, and I was making myself upset when I was writing it. But I realized that it was the best ending I could hope for when I look at the whole of the story and the feeling I get about it.

Harry changed many things in his life, both in his realm and in regards to the Guardians. By a series of unfortunate circumstances, he found himself at a crossroads of sorts, where he was unknowingly controlling Destiny and Death yet didn't have control in his life. He was responsible to fix a number of mistakes made by the Guardians and people around him.

Ultimately with the destruction of the talismans, Harry rearranged the entire universe. Of course, only the Guardians really knew, since everyone else was just living their lives from the new beginning. This time around, since there was no Prophecy and no talisman, Harry was not a Child of Light. Voldemort did not exist. (How many of you picked up on Healer Tom Riddle?)

This meant that cosmically Harry had no special use. He was a normal kid.

That was fine with most of the Guardians, and they were more than happy to let him live normally with his parents in a peaceful world. But Fate carries a grudge like none other. She was mad that he undid everything that she had done before, and had flouted the Guardians and her many times. He was responsible in a way for Eva, whom Fate hated with a passion.

This time around Harry wasn't and wouldn't be a threat to her, but she didn't care. Besides, even though Eva technically didn't exist, she was a part of Death and Fate didn't want another debacle with Death and Love. Fate couldn't kill Harry later, since a person's destiny really starts at the moment of birth. So Fate decided to make sure that he never truly existed by preventing that birth.

IMHO, the only thing worse than death is to never exist in the first place.

Many different endings were considered, some extremely dark and others actually rather happy and funny. Most were discarded as the story developed, until I was down to three. I had written an epilogue at one point that would have completely twisted everything back around once again (Raven, you're allowed to laugh), but in consideration I decided it didn't fit into the feel of the story as a whole.

Personally I hope that JKR ends Harry Potter on a happy note, but it will still be bittersweet. And while Order of the Phoenix made me mad, I also really liked how it defied convention and everything all the fan writers had dreamed up. But I know that she made some people severely depressed, as their only relief in my story was that Sirius was alive in canon.

I had started this as a personal writing exercise without really knowing where it was going. I had never intended this to go so far, but I'm rather glad it has and that I stuck with it. Once I knew I was going to continue with it, I had to decide where it would ultimately end up. So yes, from the beginning I had planned on not having a happy ending.

The Guardians came as an evolution of various aspects that I unknowingly put in, then went back and collected into my story of the universe. Once they were firmly in place, I came across that really cool quote at the start of chapter 38; "like all artists, they are out to rearrange reality." From there came the idea of destroying and remaking the universe and reality. If you want an overview of the universe and the Guardians, I'll soon start posting the back story of their creation and the War on my fictionpress account.

Now, about Eva – it's funny how some people, all right most people, really liked her. I won't tell you how she came about, since it's kind of a long story (Raven and Tori, no laughing this time!!), but everyone's reaction really came as a surprise. All you Harry/Eva shippers really gave me a lot of feedback and stuff to work with. But since I'm evil, I had to play with you a little bit – first with the shared dream, then with the kiss at the end. Especially since I knew from the beginning that she was more than what she seemed.

I'm really into philosophy, psychology and symbolism in literature. I put a lot of it in this story, especially with symbolism, and I could go on and on about it. But I won't here. If you decide to go back and try and find it, good for you. If not – good, you're not an addict.

I know that many people are wondering if I'll write anything else now that this monster is done. The short answer? Yes. I love to write and have actually been doing a lot more than just _Phoenix Rising_ for the past two years.

But more fanfic? I don't know. At this point, after destroying the sandbox and remaking it, I find that I don't have any inspiration to write more Harry Potter. After OoTP, I'd only make it darker and more dreary, and no one would want to read that. Besides, I have many more ideas running through my head begging to be written, and they are all originals. I'd rather mess around in my own little worlds with characters I've created.

If you're simply addicted to Harry Potter – join the club, and go find more fanfiction to read. And go see _Prisoner of Azkaban_, like I am right now.

But if you're addicted to my writing – I love you!! Check out my original stuff at MsoNormalThanks for reading and encouraging. Plan to see me on your local bookshelf someday (not under this penname, of course!!)

So until my sanity returns,

I remain evil and insane.

psychochick

* * *

michelle: Thanks for your understanding review, which, as you see, I do read. You got almost exactly the point I was trying to make.

Darkness Shattered: Yes, I am. And no, you're not. I'd almost like to see you try to kill me. Should be mildly entertaining.

Carcilwen Greenleaf: ROFLMAO!!!! You call me a mental case? You have no idea hon. Raven told me you freaked out after you read this. I'm not all that great at emails, so how 'bout I just stalk you? grins

MJD: Thank you so much!!! You're awesome!!

DeLIA: You're entitled to your opinion.

Pheonixrising: I wanted to make you cry, that was the point of it. And it was supposed to kill the sequel possibility, along with other things. ;-)

Fire panther: It was the end, and yes, he can die. As long as you kick someone else's ass, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Hjlavery: I didn't chicken out. I fully expected all the death threats that I've been getting from this.

ArchAngel of Fire: Ummm, what made you think there was a possibility of slash in this future? Just curious as to where you got that.

Meggplant: It was supposed to be heartwrenching, as well as taking you completely by surprise. I'm glad you liked the rest of the story.

MissLilyStar: Cruel, yes, but cute, so I'm worth it. ;-) Glad you liked it. And yes, who could actually imagine a happy Harry after OoTP? Well, Ruskbyte, since he gets Harry high as a kite, but that's another story . . . .

Cyress: Exactly. What sanity? As for being human . . . I'll check with the mothership. And actually Fate in that last scene was more an extension of my sister. grins wickedly

Lady scorpio: yes, I am cruel, yet you like it anyways. Glad you enjoyed this, and I'll keep writing.

Nasser Himura: Evil is what I am. But at least I finish things.

The Keymaker: Thanks for your reviews and for our IM conversations. Bet you didn't see this one coming at all, did you? I'll have more originals up in the foreseeable future.

Darkangelgep: laughing Thanks!!!

Jarvey: You know it. And I've got friends that eat viruses for breakfast.

Celtic Ember: Go ahead. Everyone loves a serial killer. smirks


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